The Contentment Trap

I was raised with the mantra: “Be thankful for what you have got.”

I still live by that, and it is evident to anyone who has shared a meal with us, as our dinner is always preceded by our daily gratitude.

However, as I have journeyed through life I have come to realize that having gratitude is not to be confused with settling and being “Content” with life. Content is so very vanilla, a cop out and akin to idling along in your comfort zone. Blah, content does not inspire me. So many people I speak to every single day are content and don’t want for anything more. REALLY??? What went wrong? Who stole your dreams?

I was one of these people, CONTENT, I had goals yes, small safe goals that I could easily tick off my bucket list and give myself a little Noddy badge along with my A for effort. The reality; I was not content at all, in fact I was very far from living a happy or inspired life.

I had a good job, a beautiful house, loving family, friends. You know, just like almost everyone else. I was thankful for what I had and I had worked to get there, but the living was no longer there. I was content and that led to a slow death. Every year my dreams got a little smaller. My goals a little safer. I had a career and kids to think about, I could no longer afford to take risk. I had to play safe, look after myself, protect my investments. All those unexciting adult things that we opt into rather willingly. Well at least I did, and maybe I am just an outlier. Maybe you are content and that makes you happy. For me, I was dying slowly inside.

Truth be told, I can see right though the stories that people tell themselves. Not because I have some special gift, but due to the fact that I am not all that different from you. In fact, I am possibly the average of the average people. Nothing remarkable here, and yet here I am postulating that I possibly know something about you that you might not even see or care to look at. Of course, you would not want to look at it because once you see it, it cannot be unseen. Then you must either, take action or accept that you will just be content with giving up on those grand dreams that were within your reach before you gave up on them and played it safe. Ouch, did I just say that you bet I did, I still feel the sting of opportunities missed because I was too scared to take action.

Some years back Tania was reflecting on something and she mentioned that very often people are afraid of being the crab that chooses to escape from the crab bucket. We let people hold us back and find comfort being surrounded by all the other crabs.

Not me, I got to the point where I was done. Completely done. Mentally and physically broken. Through that though I saw an opportunity, a gap to get out and say “to hell with being content”, I saw a blank slate, a space to write out a new story, a story of my choosing where I could be my own hero. I chose to be the intrepid adventurer. I no longer needed to be content. I could ask for more, I could choose a different path. I could throw caution to the wind and follow my dream secure in the knowledge that the pursuit of my dreams would be far more fulfilling than grazing with the flock.

I had always dreamt of real wealth, I always wanted to explore the world, dig deep into the path of enlightenment that runs to the left of main stream society, hang out with highly successful people who cared about my well-being, help other people along their own journey, I wanted a perfect marriage with a partner who not only understood me but loved me unconditionally, and that is hardly scratching the surface of my list.

I am not ashamed to say that I am going flat out to tick off every single item on my list. I am committed to living this one life on my own terms and to make sure that I tread gently along the way and respect the journey of others. As for me, I am leaving no stone unturned, no dream will be left to chance, no excuse for not showing up.

I am becoming immune to the naysayers, every time I reach other milestone on my journey my belief grows, I know that we are all capable of achieving the dreams that were born within our hearts, it takes courage and a bit of a thick skin. I must sometimes swim against the current, and there are days when all I want to do is go back to that old feeling of contentment, but then I remember how far I have come. How close I am to the next milestone. How much fun I have had along the way and how many times I have allowed myself to dream big and achieve those dreams. There is nothing that would make me go back. I am not who I was a few years ago.

I reckon that it is not only okay to want to win at life and to realize all your dreams, it is a requirement of each one of us. We owe it to ourselves and to the legacy that we leave behind to never ever give up on living that life that we always dreamt would be ours.

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2020 – What’s next ……..

2019 was a great year. Challenging but great. One of the highlights was starting up a business with Tania to support our daughter Dayle. Our expectations were purely to provide Dayle with some encouragement and support and possibly ease the load of her 1st year studies by helping her out. Within months my entrepreneurial mojo was ignited and I was seeing the realm of possibilities. Our 1st real commission cheque kind of got me to rethink my strategy, and increase my initial goals, a week later the next cheque was in our account, and a week later the next. It became almost like a computer game, work online and a pay cheque every week. It sounded too good to be true and part of me wondered when the party would be over. Then came November, our turnover doubled and once again I decided to re-asses my goals and to start thinking bigger.
I always knew that I would not ever return to the insurance industry but I was never really 100% certain of what the future held. I was clear on what I was NOT prepared to do: No 8 – 5 rat race; No shuffling papers; No admin; and No boss dictating my leave schedule or daily hours.
I loved the coaching world, but that was not going to fast track me to where I wanted to be financially and living in small town Eastern Cape did not lend itself to creating new coaching network opportunities. Sometimes we get lucky, sometimes we create our own luck. I am grateful to Dayle for persisting with me for almost 3 months before I decided to engage with her and be willing to step outside of my comfort zone and do something that I had previous judgments of.
Tania and I now have a business with reach in 7 countries. I get to utilize my coaching skills on a daily basis and I get to hang out with some really inspiring people. I have grown, I have been tested, I have made mistakes and I have dropped the ball at times. Every single time, the people surrounding me have offered me advice, consulted with me, encouraged me but most importantly reminded me that I am capable by simply showing me the way and letting me do it for myself. I have never before worked with such a diverse and dynamic group of people.
I am undergoing massive changes this year, so in no particular order, here goes my top 4 things that I have committed to.

1. I am transforming my body. Through, diet, exercise and self care I will be in the best physical shape I have ever been in.
2. I have set BHAG, 2020 year goals are the biggest stretch that I have ever undertaken. I am confident of achieving them as I have surrounded myself with Coaches, Mentors and a dynamic team of purpose driven people.
3. I have committed to my wife and kids to be present when I am with them and not working. I will block time for them and spend more quality time with them.
4. I am committed to helping others whilst holding very clear boundaries to ensure I am not people pleasing and that I am being effective and empowering as a mentor, coach or business partner.

What will 2020 bring you? What magic have you let slip through your fingers by not stepping outside of your comfort zone? What decisions have you made that will ensure 2020 brings with it the changes you wish to see in your life?

If you are also up for something different and willing to level up, let’s have a chat.

Click on the link below and block out some time with me for yourself. Who knows what lies in store for us.

https://calendly.com/dylan-58/30min

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You will NEVER be successful…

You will NEVER be successful if you do not set proper goals.

What is a proper goal?

A goal that is detailed, specific, measurable, and time bound.

What does a weak goal look like?

I want to be rich

I will be a millionaire by 40

These are not real goals they are more like a wish list. They don’t tell you anything really. You need to create POWERFUL goals.

I will earn one million dollars by the 31st of December 2019. I will do this by creating an online business modelled on a system which is proven and that I will duplicate. I commit 3 hours of my day for 6 days every week to build my business. I commit to learning new skills, stepping out of my comfort zone and remaining disciplined to my daily routine. I will work strategically and manage my time productively. I am committed doing whatever it takes to create this reality for myself.

You can see how different the feel is between a powerful goal and a simple idea.

You will NEVER be successful if you are only doing it for the money.

If you do not enjoy what you are doing, you are wasting your time.

Achieving a goal, or growing a business, is going to take effort, energy and consistent work. It will not always be comfortable, in fact most of the time it will be uncomfortable, but if you are pursuing what you love you will find the effort worthwhile.

If you want to get rich quickly go buy a lotto ticket.

You will NEVER be successful if you wait for opportunities to come to you.

Go out and find a problem to solve and then create the solution. Go out and find what you are passionate about and become an expert at it. Go out and find the opportunity because I can assure you the opportunity is not looking for you.

I have very clear goals for myself. I have walked a journey and had the opportunity to re-evaluate the things that I truly value in life. I have been blessed with the ability to bounce back after set backs and the tenacity to not accept anything less than what I set out for.

I invite you to look at where you are going and what road map you are following. Whose hand wrote your destiny? If you are not following your own path you are been led by someone else.

Right now, grab a pen and paper and write out your goal. Write in out and read it ever single day. Write it out over and over again until you know exactly what you are going to do, how you are going to do it and when you are going to reap the rewards.

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Tick Tock

2/12 = 16.666%

Let’s call that 17%, almost a fifth of the way through 2019.

I am sitting at C’est La Vie in Port Alfred and taking stock of where I am going and what I have achieved so far.

In terms of my personal goals, I find I am ahead in some areas, behind in others and I have cut out some that I am just not showing up for.

My theme for the year is Simplify. I did not take on too many little goals, instead, I decided to focus on various aspects of my life and improve on them.

One of the goals that I have cut out of the list is my music lessons. I found that I was too focussed on other areas of my life that I was not dedicating the required time to practice. Not only did this create an incompletion for me but I was also out of integrity with my music teacher. I do not see this as quitting, more of pruning back.

I guess, like many people, I overestimate what I can achieve in the year. Since my breakdown, I have been far more aware of when things are slipping. There are times when I need to roll up my sleeves and knuckle down, other times a moment of rest is required, then there are the times when you need to stop and reconsider why you are doing what you are doing.

I am still learning on this journey, and I know that the learning will never stop.

What I have found though is that when I am conscious of where I am and what I am doing I have a far greater sense of balance and control over my own feelings and emotions.

Guitar lessons did not add to my health, family time, spirituality or finances. After some serious consideration, I decided that it was not adding value to my core aspects of life. I will still jam with my son Ethan on weekends, I will pick it up when the mood kicks in, but to commit to practice and the lessons were not aligned with my theme and key objectives for 2019.

Have you paused to take stock of the year? Is there anything that you need to readjust? Anything that needs to be cut out. Do your goals from January still hold meaning and value to you?

I invite you to make some time for yourself this weekend and reflect on the year so far and then project forward for the next 10 months and most importantly, I invite you to believe in yourself. You got this.

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Warrior Tribe: What is 5 minutes worth? https://anchor.fm/warriortribe/episodes/what-is-5-minutes-worth-e2pvuv

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What do I actually do?

People often ask me: “So what is it that you actually do?”

The simple answer is I am a life coach. Well, I studied Executive Coaching, but I prefer the life coach moniker.

“So, what exactly does a life coach do then?”

 I guess each “life coach” will have their own idea as to exactly what they do. For me, it is not about what I do but rather why I do it.

You see, I do not do this as a job. This is my passion. This is who I am. My greatest joy comes from watching people transform as we move through our coaching journey together. I love seeing people stepping up and taking control of their lives. To me, this is my reward. It is who I have become, and it is the outplaying of my grandest dreams for myself.

Each of us has a deep well of vital life energy that, given the correct tools, we can draw from as and when we need. The unfortunate reality is that we are not taught how to access this part of ourselves. Yes, there are hundreds of self-help books out there, there are numerous programs, courses, and gurus who are willing to tell you exactly what to do. All of this is great, and it has become a massive industry, purely because each book, course or program plants a seed of potential that is hard to germinate when itis not planted in the correct environment.

We have a bookcase of self-help books at home, and they are all extremely valuable. However, many of those books I have had for years and read many times without seeing any real results in my life.

The key to transformation is in taking massive action. We need to create the ideal environment for those seeds to germinate. It is all good knowing how to lower the bucket down to draw water from the well, but unless we act and physically lower the bucket and bring up the life-giving water we will die of thirst. How often have you had a casual conversation with someone who seems to have all the answers to life great questions, yet they themselves are still stuck in a situation that they cannot escape. Ideas are easy. Everyone has great ideas. The implementation of them differentiates the successful people from the herd.

So, what is it exactly that I do?

Think of me as your cheerleader. The person in your life who believes in you and your ideas. The one who will encourage you to follow through on your dream and tell you how amazing you really are. I truly believe that each one of us is amazing in our own right. We are all unique and within that uniqueness lies beauty and amazing potential. I will help you discover that part of yourself.

I am a pusher. I push you to become the best version of yourself. I will get you to question your “why” and help you get a different perspective on life. It is my job to make you question what makes you continue to hold onto habits that no longer serve you, and help you get to a place where you can start making conscious choices in your life.

I am your loyal confidant. I will support you and I will always be there to listen to you. I am the person with whom you can share your mind, your hopes, dreams, and fears. Whatever you tell me remains between us; I am your safe space. You will have someone who listens without judgment. How badly do you need to have someone who will listen to you and hear what you have to say someone who will not judge you or try talk you out of your dreams and someone who is able to maintain confidentiality?

I am your accountability partner. You will not only find me holding you accountable to your commitments, but you will also find yourself feeling more energized. I have an infectious zest for life and you to will begin to experience this. I am optimistic, and I will encourage you to dream big. You will leave your coaching engagement feeling inspired, energized and ready to take back control of your destiny.

Do I guarantee that you will achieve all your dreams? No. That is up to you. What I can guarantee you is that your life will change to the degree that you commit and take action.

The books on my bookshelf are no longer good reads, they are guides to help me take the correct action in pursuit of the things that really matter to me. I made the shift when I engaged a coach for the first time. I have since used other coaches, and I regularly chat with other coaches to keep myself at the top of my game.

If you want to see radical shifts in your life, then give me a call. Right now, you are probably 80% of the way there, you most likely have the knowledge and the drive to live a more complete life. I can offer you the tools to put this knowledge into action and help you make the transformation you desire.

If you are ready to invest in yourself and take action to change your circumstances, then book a slot in my diary and let’s have a chat to see if coaching is the answer that you are looking for. 

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Idea’s without action are useless

Listen to the newest episode of my podcast, Warrior Tribe: Idea’s without action are useless https://anchor.fm/warriortribe/episodes/Ideas-without-action-are-useless-e2mj5u

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Winners Build- Losers Blame

Listen to the newest episode of my podcast, Warrior Tribe: Winners Build – Losers Blame

https://anchor.fm/warriortribe/episodes/Winners-Build—Losers-Blame-e2lenq

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The Warriors Exercise for Success.

The length of our journey through life is not known. For some, it spans decades whilst for others it is merely a matter of days. None of us know for certain when we will be called to leave this earth.

It has often been said, live this day as if it is your last. Like many sayings, it might sound good, but it is not practical. I doubt many of you would choose to spend your last day alive reliving yesterday.

I prefer to think of my life journey as a pursuit of my dream. Kind of like training for the Big Event. You see I do not know when I will be called up to the Big Event (Death), but if I have been training and preparing, I will be ready as I have worked towards accomplishing that which I have set out for.

To successfully achieve our dreams, we need to keep improving ourselves.

How do we do this?

  1. You must maintain a Healthy Body
  2. You must have a Healthy Mind
  3. You must surround yourself with the right People
  4. You must keep stepping out of your Comfort Zone

If you do not have a clear dream that you are pursuing, then I invite you to take the first step and join us at The Warrior Tribe. We are a group of people committed to creating the best versions of ourselves through Healthy Body, Healthy Mindset, Healthy Relationships, and Healthy FinancialWealth.

In addition to becoming part of The Warrior Tribe, you will also have access to our weekly free gift, podcasts, and our YouTube channel.

Our next event takes place on Wednesday the 5thDecember at 20h00 SAST (UCT+2). We will be hosting a FREE 2-part Webinar in which we will walk you through creating your very own Personal Vision andMission Statement.

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Invitation to Free Workshop: Creating your Personal Vision and Mission Statement

This morning whilst journaling I got onto writing about some of my experiences of 2018. A year of highs and lows but running throughout the year was a solid theme. Every year we, as a family, set themes for ourselves. This is similar to a New Year’s Resolutions or Goals, they are just wider and more encompassing. For Tania and I, we thread our themes into our Personal Vision and Missions Statements.

Vision and Mission Statements are not just for big companies. In fact, creating a vision and mission for your personal life is amazingly powerful.

This defines what success and excellence look like for you. This is your map (vision) to where you are heading as you march towards the future you and it reflects your personal values, goals, and purpose and how you choose to behave (mission).

This powerful statement encapsulates your dreams, the person you would like to be, what you choose to do with your life and what you value in your life.

If you get this right, it should inspire you to be conscious of giving your best and helping you understand why you are doing what you do every day.

Tania and I have found that by having our own Vision and Mission statement we have a very clear idea of what we are working towards. Without this, we tend to be far more reactive to circumstances that surround us. Without this tool, Tania and I would find ourselves lost in the day to day activities that consume many of our lives.

Our vision keeps us accountable to step outside our comfort zone and to stretch ourselves to create better versions of who we are.

We would like to invite you to join us for a free 2-part webinar, in which we will explain Personal Vision and Mission Statements in greater detail and help you create your own so that you can take control over your destiny. Whether or not you have done this before, you will find immense value from tuning in to our webinar. Regardless of your age, you should have your own Vision and Mission Statements written out and serving as your roadmap.

You can register for the free event here.

Date: Wednesday 5th December

Time: 20h00 SAST

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