Someday’s balance seems to elude me. I seem to be having more and more days like this. Clearly something in my life is not in sync. This morning was particularly bad. There is that which needs to be done, and that which I want to do and they just do not seem to connect. After dropping Gabby off at school I drove past the beach, something I never seem to make the time for anymore. I stopped at Kelly’s and look out at the scene below. Not long ago that was what I dream’t of. Endless days working the beach, watching the sea change, the clouds transform into magical mysterious shapes, the wind that kept subtly switching direction and the changing smells it brought along. Whilst I was looking down there, I thought about what I had, what I had achieved. The great trade off. Nothing for nothing I guess. Unless I say otherwise. I thought back to what I have done since resigning from a life of working beaches. The places I have been people I have met. I was not born to remain in one place. I am an adventurer, an explorer. I enjoy facing fear as much as I fear it. The stepping into the unknown keeps me awake and alive. Taking a risk, spending the night stuck on a cliff avoiding angry hippo’s, riding my bike down the road that seems to difficult, to technical, paddling out when the surf is a little too big. 

I like solitude, open space, freedom to stretch my imagination. I know that riding my bike will fufill a part of that. I have been nervous of getting a bike, I am still nervous to ride it, but I do. It excites me and at times scares me. It makes me feel alive. I am alive. But that feeling alone does not complete me. I love my kids, the time I spend with them is magical. A world of no boundaries, where shadows take on life, a leaf is a magical cure to any problem and life is filled with laughter. My family is special to me and they keep me grounded. They give me a reason to do what I do. They make me strive to be the best of myself at all times. To remember that life is a precious gift. This became very clear on Saturday as I rode past the old Settler churches, and saw the graves scattered all over. Graves where parents have buried infant or young children, sometimes two or three children, graves of those murdered during wars, graves of old loved ones laid to rest. It made me feel blessed to be alive. 

So all seems good and I have much to be grateful for, except there is something out of balance……