I can’t wait for our break. A quarter of the year is behind us. It feels like it has passed by far too quickly. At times it feels like I have not achieved anything yet, and all that has happened is three months have slipped by. This got me thinking last night, if three months have just casually slipped by why do I feel in need of a break? Have I achieved enough or worked hard enough to justify a break for myself? My first reaction is No. So I unpacked 2015 last night, it has been a busy year. I have been working hard towards the targets that I set for myself, I have dedicated time to my spiritual growth, I have tapped back into my creativity and I have been far more focused and committed to restructuring the way I do business. This year I have managed to spend quality time with the children and quality time with Tania. I have spent more time with my parents and I have cut out busyness to spend more time alone. So far 2015 has been a year of change for me. I have become rather firm in my boundaries and I do not let people walk all over me. I can say “No!” without feeling guilty or feeling like I will offend someone. I have also learned to say “Yes” to the things that I want to do for myself. I have learnt a lot about who I am. Henry Cloud has written a good book on boundaries http://astore.amazon.com/tamad-20/detail/0310247454 which is well worth the read.So I have achieved a great deal so far. In fact 2015 has been a turning point for me in certain aspects of my life, a re-connection to my childlike wonder, a journey back toward myself.
I am not on a spiritual pilgrimage to find the meaning of life. I am not trying to change who I have become. I am however becoming more aware of what makes me tick, what pushes my buttons and makes me angry, what my personal boundaries are and how to protect them. I have learnt that most of these lessons have been within me all along yet I was not always conscious of who I was. My ego would often get in the way; my people pleasing nature would lead me into making choices that did not always serve me. I am learning that I can control my emotions and choose how I respond to stimuli. I am learning to let go of frustration, to use anger productively, to embrace sadness without wallowing in it. I am learning that the choice is mine. It sounds so simple yet I am still challenged by these lessons. I am still practicing and I will never completely master any of them. That is a good thing though, it keeps me humble, it make me acutely aware of the mistakes I make, it grounds me and reminds me that I still have a very long way to go.
So looking back at the past three months I have re-learnt many lessons, discovered new strengths within me, reawakened dormant passions, worked hard and had an emotional roller coaster ride. It has been tiring and the break is well deserved. The reward will be sweet as I have reflected on the journey that has brought me this far.