Sometimes I get stuck. I guess we all do, and lately I have been a little stuck. It is not a nice place to operate from. It is not healthy, productive or fun. Yet somehow we end up finding ourselves here, well at least I do from time to time. Why this happens I do not know, it is frustrating and at times very depressing and still I go there. Life’s little niggles get me down, the worry about not having money to pay the rent this month, the worry about the client that you risk losing after trying your best to meet their needs, the fear of not living life to the full and squandering opportunities. As I write this my list seems to be rather easy to populate. Getting stuck in a rut and having a pity party almost comes naturally when one is in this space.
Today I managed to break out of this mindset. I always do, sometimes it just takes a little longer to get to the other side. What was the difference today, what was the tipping point? I reckon it was when I gave up some of my time to help someone else. Whilst I thought I was doing a good deed and helping someone in need it was actually me who was the one getting the help. I spent almost an hour today setting up a TV for a person I had never met. Over the weekend an old school friend asked me to please do him a favor and set up a TV for his parents in law. As the weekend was not convenient for them I ended up there today, I decided that I just had to put time aside and not be stuck at the office and do something for someone else. As it turns out I was only helping myself. Something inside me shifted, I managed to see through the frustration and self-pity I was wallowing in. I remembered that my life is good. I have a wonderful life. I am blessed and I have enough. In fact I have abundance, and that is what I remembered today. I had enough time in my work day to put time aside to go and lend a hand to someone that appreciated the little I could contribute. What I did was no big deal and yet it snapped me out of the rut I was in. So my lesson from me to me today was that even when I am feeling under pressure at work or at home, I can always be of assistance to someone, and that makes me feel valuable.
I know that many people that are close to me value me and they often tell me that. However by helping a stranger I learnt to value myself.
This morning I woke up doubting myself again. My mind was consumed by 100’s of questions. Am I just a fake? Do I make a difference in the world? Am I a just a coward that cannot stand up for himself? Do I just talk about things without achieving anything? Am I afraid of offending people and sell myself short in the process?
My mind was not a good space dwell in this morning. Then I was given the opportunity to help someone and I took it. What happened was rather amazing, 10 days of depressing thoughts and self-pity melted away in under an hour. I won’t lie, there was definitely some residual grumpiness lurking around, but just like the sun burns away the mist, the positive energy welled up within me and evaporated the bad vibes. But the time I arrived home for lunch my mood was lifting and after been greeted at the front door by my lover I was almost a new person. Sharing lunch with Tania and our vibrant energetic 15 year old Dayle is enough to right any storm battered ship. Life is good, we are blessed. Things might not always be easy but our current situation will pass and we are building for the long term. I enjoy the journey and I am growing. I am sometimes my own worst enemy and I am often far too hard on myself and end up breaking myself down. But I have an extremely strong support system and I have a life that many people would be envious of. I have the most loving partner, I have children that make me so very proud and give me reason to be the best version of myself I can possibly be, I have a close relationship with my parents who I love, respect and value, I work side by side with my brother who is still my best friend, I have two amazing ladies who work with me and keep me inspired and motivated, my extended family lives close by, I have amazing friends who somehow seem to know just when to call and touch base, I live in a community that supports me and sustains me, I work for myself and as trying as that is at times it feeds me, I live at the ocean and that is my resting place, I walk on the beach and pray, I look at the horizon and imagine the possibilities, I stand on the dunes and dream and it is a happy dream.
So to my new friend I just met today I say thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see the blessings bestowed on me.