It was a long winter. A time of upheaval and stress. A time of letting go of the known and heading into the unknown. Time for change and discomfort and getting rid of old habits. Habits that worked both for and against me had to go. I tried holding onto some things but it was futile, the die was cast and the numbers were up. The winds of change were blowing through my life and right then the only thing that felt like the absolute truth to me was the little voice inside me whispering messages of Hope, Faith and Trust that everything was going to be okay.
I had to surrender to the current and trust that I would be safe on my journey. Like a little seed that had fallen from the parent plant and being picked up by the wind I was leaving the known and entering into new territory. Carried away from the home pasture and deposited in some unfamiliar place feeling very alone. It grew dark, and cold and I could feel myself suffocating. Somehow I had not only managed to leave my comfortable surroundings, I had also managed to bury myself deep beneath the soil. I have never been one for tight places and this feeling of being buried deep beneath the earth was frightening. It felt like I spoke and those that heard my voice were powerless to help. I struggled to free myself but something deep within knew that for the moment I was right where I needed to be. It took time but I started to settle, and even managed to relax a little. Deep beneath the soil in the silent confined space I gradually started to rediscover who I was. The solitude became more bearable. Introspection became my watchword, there were difficult lessons to learn, however I started to find comfort down there in the blackness largely hidden from the seen world. I finally understood that it was time for the old self to die and to let go of the preconceived ideas that other people had about who I really was and what I was meant to be. Part of me wanted to be exactly the opposite of what I previously was, but that did not work for me as that was not the authentic person and being the exact opposite only served to cause confusion, hurt and abhorrence. I had to let go completely and surrender. I was no longer in control of what happened around me, in fact I never was, and I just lived in the illusion of control. Down here I was learning that the only things I actually had control over was my mind and my attitude to the current situation I was in. I could not control my future and the past had already been written by my own hand. I had to let go in order to be free. Letting go was exactly what landed me where I was in the first place and here I was trying desperately to convince myself that the only way to get momentum again was to let go. Let go of what I would often ask myself. There was nothing to let go of. There I was buried in the darkness, I could not fall any further, I could not get carried away by the winds, and no one would even find me down here. Somehow I learnt to manage the art of releasing the things that no longer served me. I had given up doing all the regular things I had done in my previous life and I felt like I was just a shadow of my former self. I had isolated myself and I no longer troubled myself with the things I had lost. Once I had completely surrendered and accepted my fate my mind was free from worry and stress. I started noticing things that had always surrounded me. The soil I was in was fertile, prepared by those who had walked the path before me. This was no accident that I was here. It was becoming apparent that there was a greater design to all this that I could not apprehend until I had completely surrendered and let go. I could feel the loving warmth of the sun from above. Smell the goodness of the soil and hear the sounds of the gentle rain on the ground above me. In me I carried the genes of greatness, my DNA was filled with untapped potential that was waiting for the right moment to awaken. I was in a place where I could lay down my roots and anchor myself. I had landed in the precise spot that had been prepared for me to bring forth my own harvest. Everything was set up to give me the best possible start. My excitement was slowly building, the realisation that I was primed to reach great heights was bringing forth new inspiration. The old foe Fear was not far behind though, trying to stir up doubts and trickery. This time though I was no longer afraid and I could see fear for the imposter that he was. I knew that the only person who could get me to grow was me and that I had to let go and trust that once I started moving and growing up through the soil I would become the very person that I had imagined myself to be. I would go forth and bear fruits of honesty, integrity, love, joy and peace. I would provide a safe place for people to rest under my branches and I would bear good fruits.
One day I will let the seeds that I release go forth with blessings and excitement to head out into their own unknowns with an abundance of Faith and secure in Love that they will land in fertile soil and find their own path as it is meant to be