My last post was in February. I had written about letting go and releasing things that I was holding onto. I felt that it was time to let the magic start happening. So here we are, a few days before Spring starts, and I have taken account of the journey that has been 2016.
My first thoughts when I think of 2016 are thoughts of struggle and difficulty. Yet that is not the absolute truth. In fact 2016 may well go down in my book as one of my defining years. This year has seen some amazing developments happening for me.
To start we managed to buy a home, not just any home, our dream home. I have always believed that you get what you focus on and through consistent work and despite many challenges we were blessed to have a supporting family that stood by us and helped make another of our dreams come true. One often reads stories of how people create Vision Boards and then magically they get all those things they had stuck on the vision board. Well, we have just been through that experience, however our journey was not quite as straightforward as some people may have you believe. It took many sleepless nights, stress, self-doubt, hard work and often wanting to throw in the towel and yet I held tightly onto the dream and it manifested. So here I am lying in front of our fireplace listening to the sea in the distance and loving our new home.
I learnt to release some things and the results have been astonishing. When we cease to try control things and let events follow their natural course whilst still guiding the process the outcome tends to be exactly what one had hoped for; well this has been my experience.
I have grown as a father, I am far more aware of the impact my behaviour has on our children. I admit my shortcomings and we engage in honest conversation which at times is very difficult. Yet the children are amazing and they have the ability to gently point out my failures or their grievances and we work through them.
I have taken up studying again, and together with Tania our evenings are spent learning and honing our skills. It feels wonderful to learn something completely new and unrelated to my normal line of work. It has meant that we are far less sociable and we have had less time to just hang out, yet I feel my time has been wisely invested.
I have learnt that things take time. In fact I often underestimate the amount of time certain tasks take. I might allocate 5 minutes for a task at work that ends up taking me 15 minutes, this has the effect of making me feel stressed and unproductive. It also leads to shortcuts and incomplete work. On the flip side we know the value of 5 minutes, sometimes that is all it takes for us to refocus on what is important to us and where our values are.
It has been a year of awakening for me. My theme for 2016 is Awaken, and 8 months in I am starting to get with the program. I have learnt to dance to the beat of my own drum this year. Many people follow societal trends with scant regard for how they feel deep inside. For years I partook in various sports, societies, hung out at certain places and each of these things added value to me, however on a deeper level I sometimes got the sense that my motives for doing certain things were not always aligned with who I would choose to be if I were more conscious of who I was. 2016 has allowed me the space for that, I feel like less of a sheep. Maybe it is simply a sign of getting older and caring less of what others think, the inevitable realisation that this is my journey and I need to decide how I choose to experience it.
This year has been one of reading books and watching movies that challenge my belief system, make me question humanity and the path that the human race is on. It has also opened my eyes to the people doing amazing humanitarian work, people who are selfless and caring. I have seen communities of people that care for their bodies and minds as if they were the most holy of temples and they have inspired me. I have also bumped into fanatics who make me wonder if they actually heard themselves speak. I have learnt not to judge people as many of the wisest council I have known speak very simply and are the most unsuspecting saints. I am wary of people who talk more than they listen, I am wary of people who have found the one true path to enlightment. I have begun to understand some of the human psyche and realise that we can be programmed by authority, society, family and friends. Very few people are able to make spontaneous conscious decisions that resonate deeply with their own absolute truth.
So far in my journey of awakening I have realized that I know almost nothing of what there is to know, I have realized that I will never know everything and I will never be able to show anyone the way. I am not destined to be a guru nor do I want to be. My journey is simply to know myself. I need to keep working on me and realize my own true potential. It does not matter what the outcome is as nothing is ever stagnant. Life changes, we grow older, our thoughts and feelings develop and change.
2016 has been emotional, thought provoking, challenging and immensely rewarding. I have strengthened relationships that matter to me. I have been a student and spent many hours in contemplation. I have fed my mind only with that which I believe will nourish my dreams and ambitions. I have lived consciously. I have failed many times in many areas. I have made mistakes and spoken harsh words. I have not always upheld the standard I set for myself. So far 2016 has been good, it has taught me lessons and that is part of the awakening I have chosen. I look forward to the last 4 months of this year.