What would my life look like if I were able to serve more people and make the impact I have always wanted to make in the world?
What would I do with my time if I had all the time in the world and never had to worry about money again? Why do I let my worry of money or perceived lack of money stop me from going out and being who I truly want to be?
Have you ever asked yourself any questions like this? My life used to be consumed by these kinds of thoughts until I had a nervous breakdown last year and could no longer think anything. Suddenly, I could barely take care of myself let alone anyone else. Fast forward 7 months and here I am, I have been afforded the luxury of time. So, what do I find myself doing with all this time on my hands?
I would love to say that I have taken up old hobbies and ticked off everything from my bucket list, but that is not the case. I have however managed to do something far greater than that. I have spent my time learning about myself and what makes me tick. I have read books that explained how depression works and I have developed my own system to keep the “black dog” at bay. Facing my fears is an ongoing walk for me and I am no longer paralyzed by fear. Slowly but surely, I have reinvented myself. I have searched deep to find out who I really am and what makes me tick. I have had to unhook from people pleasing and create healthy boundaries for myself and for others who impact my life. I have reassessed the things that I previously placed value on; I have held onto some things and released a whole bunch of others.
Gratitude has taken on a new meaning for me; simple things like the sound of the wind or walking in the sunshine now carry a profound sense of wonder and meaning for me. I meet people or hear stories of people, who are going through difficult life experiences and I am humbled by the magnitude of blessings that surround me. I am healthy, happy and surrounded by loving people. My life has meaning through the work I do and the impact that I have on peoples lives. No matter how small, each of us always impacts those around us. The old man on the corner who returns a gentle smile as you walk past, the friend who receives the unexpected phone call, the mom who is stuck in a queue with two small kids and doesn’t have enough money on her to pay the entrance fee and you chip in. Those little moments of life are true gold for me.
Yes, the bills keep coming, the responsibilities are there, prices go up and business can get slow. That is just normal life I guess. That is part of being a person, the inevitable path of adulthood. At the end of the day, it is just a journey, and these things are as much a part of the journey as the blessings that we have. I no longer put too much weight in judging things as either “good” or “bad”. Things just are events that happen and I get to choose how to respond. Each day I choose to respond with gratitude and an appropriate emotion for the circumstance, without dwelling too much on the emotion itself. After all, emotions are just a natural response to an event, so let it out and move on and most importantly be grateful. Life is short and unpredictable. Drink your good wines, give lots of hugs and keep one eye on the future whilst living in the moment.